New summer, new trend. Or at least that's what it feels like anyway. We've had the thigh gap, the thigh-brow, the collarbone challenge and not long ago were even comparing ourselves to an A4 piece of paper. What could they possibly have for us this summer, you must be thinking, surely, surely, there is nothing else that they could possibly have us aspiring to... I'm sorry to say that there is.
This summer it's all about the armpit cave apparently. According to this month's heat magazine, 'toned arms are not quite enough these days' and what we really need to be doing is ensuring that there is so little fat on us that we can create a hollowed out armpit cavern, it's all the rage they say, all the Hollywood A-listers are doing it.
According to the magazine all the celebs (worth knowing of course) have been walking down the red carpet with their 'fashionable pits on show....'
Or in other words, they've basically just been walking down the red carpet and obviously decided to take their arms with them. Funny thing about that, I've heard if you want to take your arms with you to something like this, it's easiest when you've got shoulders with which to attach them. Even funnier thing, the way a shoulder works normally means that there is a space of sorts underneath it that allows free movement for said arms to do things, useful things like hug people and hold drinks. They normally call that bit an armpit.
Armpits have a bit of a hard time normally, the association is not normally fantastic. I would personally list off a huge number of things about myself if asked to rank my 'best feature' before I got to the part of my body that was often stubbly, smelly and white with deodorant stains. But it seems that's about to change. It seems to me that, just like with everything else on your body, there is a lot of room for self-improvement and a trend that you need to be following.
And no, before you ask, it's not enough just to keep the damn things clean shaven. Now dear friends, sheep if you please, now it's time to add to the summer stress in the stupidest of ways, by creating a pot-holing destination in your pits.
Guys. What the fuck is going on here? HOW IS THIS SERIOUSLY HAPPENING? Who comes up with this shit??? Like, actually, who was it that came into work one morning and thought: 'you know what I'm going to do today, I'm going to create another way in which I can make ordinary women feel shit about themselves. But, everything has been done already... surely there must be something else. What do all of these Hollywood A-listers have in common, something that makes them special? Ooh, I know, armpits!!'
This is ridiculous. If it wasn't such a serious issue it would be laughable. I want it to be laughable, I want us to laugh at the stupidity of it all, at these 'journalists' out to body-shame us at every chance they get, but mostly I feel sad. Sad that we are now living in a world where your armpits are a fashion accessory. Where it's not enough to be happy and successful, not even close. Your thighs must not touch, your skin must glow, your collarbone must stick out and now ladies, YOU NEED HOLLOW FUCKING ARMPITS.
I'm out. Seriously. Can't deal. Stop the world, I want to get off.