So last night in BBC's War and Peace, as you will know by now, some fella got his cock out. Not in a weird, sexual harrasment-y kind of way, but in a, I'm-in-the-Russian-Army-I've-had-a-hell-of-a-time-fighting-the-French-and-I-need-a-swim-to-clean-off-all-the-blood, kind of way. So not a massive deal then, right? Wrong.
The world has gone MAD over it. You should see Twitter. The puns are relentless, my personal favourite being 'War and Penis', because that is, of course, hilarious. But WHY? Why is it, that on a television programme which has hosted more than it's fair share of lady-bits, does the willy steal the show?
Love them or hate them, for most of us, willies aren't even noteworthy, let alone news. We either have one or know someone that does. We have also, I am assuming, all seen one at one point or another. In the bath with your brother as a child, the time your friend got really drunk and took all of his clothes off in front of you, or this morning as your other half hobbled to the bathroom.
But the minute one of these little buggers makes it onto the big screen? We can't take it.
Which, at the risk of sounding like Carrie Bradshaw here, got me thinking... what is the difference between men stripping off, and women?
Well of course, the first one being, that women do it more. Between Page 3, Porn and indeed most films and TV shows which air after the watershed, we see boobs all the time. Despite the fact that lots of people jump up and down in frustration about the first two in particular, we can't get away from tits.
Which I don't think is a bad thing at all. There is nothing in this life more natural than a bosom, unless of course you're looking at Katie Price's and so I don't understand why we would want to hide them away.
(Just in case you hadn't guessed where I stand on the most recent debate, I absolutely believe women should be allowed to breast-feed in public for this very reason).
Front bottoms too, make a regular appearance these days. Sure they're not as regular as they're northern friends but they're appearance is notable. And a woman's bum? Well it's basically mandatory.
It is true that we do see plenty of bloke-y bums as well, but on the logic that we've ALL got one of those and they make children's toys in the shape of them these days, I would hardly consider this worth mentioning.
But the willy. We never see the willy.
In fact, I can only off the top of my head, remember seeing ONE willy in a film ever, and it was 28 Days Later which I watched last week. But to be honest, the fella's penis was the least of mine, or his, worries in that particular film.
But the point is, in a film where we'd see a woman naked in the shower, we just don't see willies. I think a large part of this is the writers and directors, the roles for naked men just aren't there, and when they are there is normally a clause in most actor's contracts saying that they 'don't do nudity'.
And they don't do nudity, because none of them do nudity. And I reckon big famous actors are like the cool kids at school, no one wants to break rank and bare the breeze for fear of being laughed at. Take Daniel Radcliffe for example, he was happy to get his willy out - but he's sticking to the theatre to do it,
And that might, I think, have something to do with the idea of avoiding the enormous reaction that would come with doing this on the telly.
My other thoughts on the matter here, and I may well be wrong seeing as I haven't got a willy so don't actually know, are that there is something incredibly, almost vulnerable, about a man with a flaccid penis on display. I know this sounds weird, but since men expose themselves in this way very rarely, there is something almost sweet about seeing a man brave enough to do it,
And I realise that I sound incredibly patronising, but there is a logic here. A man can be absolutely enormous, built like a truck, but have a willy that he's less than proud of and there is something about that, that just is vulnerable. I'm sure that for a raunchy sex scene, whilst erect, it's a different question, but when it's just hanging around, I think it might be seen as just a bit too normal.
Again, I haven't got a willy so this really is just speculation.
The actor in question here, Oscar Pearce summed it up nicely in his response: "Full-frontal male nudity is quite rare. Whereas, women getting their breasts out happens the whole time. There was a part of me - the feminist side - which thought this would addressing the balance. There’s no furore about seeing a woman’s breasts. You see men’s bottoms, you see woman’s bottoms, but you don’t often get to see full-frontal male nudity"
Now I should say at this point that I don't consider myself a willy obsessive or anything, but, and without sounding weird, I really like that this has happened. I enjoyed the scene, mostly because of the reaction.
Women's breasts, are to me, something that I am SO incredibly used to seeing and it IS nice to see Oscar doing his bit to restore the balance. Apart from anything, what does it say to the young boys and girls of today that it is totally normal to see a topless woman but frowned upon to see a naked man? To me it screams inequality...
So THANK YOU War and Peace for this scene, and thank you Oscar for being brave enough to do it. Whether you like looking at them or not, I'm hoping that this is something that we're going to see a whole heap more of.
Disclaimer: *I AM NOT A CREEPY PERVERT ALTHOUGH I COME ACROSS AS ONE*