As a child, I worshiped Charlie's Angels. I watched the film so many times that, when my friend and I opted for an evening of nostalgia and turned it on last week, I found myself absent-mindedly quoting almost every other line. As a shy youngster, living what I deemed to be a very boring life, I would watch this film and think: YES, now that is what being an adult is all about. Fighting crime, hanging out with your girls and looking sexy as hell whilst doing it. Drew Barrymore's character, Dylan, in particular, was my queen. So when I saw it on Sky I knew that I had to rewatch it and boy am I pleased that I did. As it transpires it is the single most educational film I've watched in all of my life (take that with a pinch of salt!).
Here are all of the things that I learned from watching Charlie's Angels as an adult...
Airport security was appalling.
It's not even a subtle one - this guy is literally just a walking bomb. Did he not go through the metal detectors? Did no one pat this guy down? SERIOUSLY?
Science counts for nothing.
So Dylan pulls the bad guy out of the plan without a) causing everything in the plane to be sucked out too and b) being sucked into the jet engine.
It is possible to totally reinvent yourself.
Look at Cameron, she went from crashing a car to driving a speed boat and all it took was seemingly for her head brace to be removed...
Not giving a shit is awesome.
I mean, it's not. But watching Drew Barrymore light that fag with a zippo lighter and her arm in a cast when I was a kid? All I wanted was to break my arm and start smoking immediately.
Cameron Diaz is definitely on drugs.
Who on earth wakes up THIS happy? I mean seriously. She doesn't even seem to hear herself when she told the postman to "feel free to stick things in my slot" ffs.
Women should dumb themselves down so as not to threaten their boyfriends.
So Lucy Lui claims to be a bikini waxer and after explaining the hardwiring of a bomb to her bf and he questions it, she brushes it off as something that she learned on the 'in-ter-net' (said just like that...)
If you want a man's secrets, you can massage them out of him.
Or failing that, you can always use your feet to knock him out.
If you fix a fast food's speaker, you will get free food.
Either that or they literally just shoved a piece of gum into their machine and drove off without paying.
Bosley is the worst spy ever.
Close your God damn mouth dude - how did you even get this job???
Flipping your hair will pretty much get your any guy that you want.
And bam. 30 seconds later, he's asked her out. That's all we gotta do girls, flip it.
Team work makes the dream work.
My friends and I are hard pushed getting all of us to a restaurant at the same time and here these three are dodging bullets and fighting crime in a perfectly choreographed fashion.
Really want to impress a guy? Lick his steering wheel.
As long as I live I will never understand this moment. Perhaps I should try it with my next uber driver. Then again, perhaps not.
Being able to belly dance is super useful.
And there you were thinking that skill would only be good when Akon came on in the club. No no, perfect for detective work too.
Same applies for yodelling.
REDSTAR do not offer equal opportunity in the work place.
Seriously guys. WHERE ARE THE WOMEN?
That standing on your feet is totally overrated.
I think this might simply have been a case of good old fashioned showing off to be honest. "I'm Cameron Diaz and I can walk on my ha-ands, lalalala."
To find the confidence of Natalie dancing to Soul Train should be my life goal.
I mean seriously. She is on her own and literally giving zero shits. We should all try to be a little bit more Natalie I think.
If Lucy Liu can survive this then I can survive anything.
I will never, ever, ever, let Monday get the better of me again.
Scrabble is a multi purpose tool.
Smart plan Drew, but it might have been a bit more subtle if she hadn't spelled out the word and then said it out loud...
You can trust no one.
Classic man eh? Playing all kidnapped and like he can't cook a chicken and then BAM, shave the girl, reveal the wife-beater vest, light a fag and pull a gun on your one night stand before shooting her. Thanks bud.
If Drew Barrymore can survive this, then I can survive anything.
I'm feeling so much more confident about my prospects in light of this.
Bosley never brushes his teeth.
How do you seriously have a whopping big microphone in your mouth and not notice for days? Has he not eaten anything or drunk any water either?
That bras are overrated.
Either that or Cameron Diaz simply does not own one. Either way, the fact that she does all that she does, without a bra on, is commendable.
Drew Barrymore cannot moonwalk.
She promised us a moonwalk and did not deliver. Thanks to this scene I spent a lot of my childhood thinking that I was the next MJ when in reality, I really was not. Thanks Drew.
In the history of the world, no one has ever been quite so chilled about avoiding a missile.
Charlie's just pulling back the curtains and letting this one roll on through with no drama whatsoever...
Charlie is the most ungrateful sod ever.
"Thanks for saving my life, would you like a cup of tea after all of your troubles?" might have been nice, rather than pissing straight off and leaving a raging fire hazard in the sitting room.
You're never too old to play in the sea.
Or maybe you are, but if that's the case, no one told these guys.