Anyone who has visited the blog before will probably know that I have in my short little life, had to put up with a fair amount of shit from internet trolls, or twats as I call them and unfortunately, today is no exception.
After a long walk to try and shake off a particularly nasty hangover and a less than successful trip to the dry cleaners who won't be able to get the red wine stain out of my white blouse, I got a call from my friend Ross who was letting me know that there was an article about me in the Daily Mail.
As it always does, my stomach fell away, an article in the Daily Mail can mean one thing and one thing only: that photo. The photo of me aged 17, dressed like a 'tramp', looking like I'd 'eaten all the pies' getting into a 'car daddy bought' me (it was HIS car BTW). The photo where I look so unlike the me of today that even my friends don't recognise it. The photo that makes me feel like the ugliest person on the planet.
And sure enough, I got home to that picture staring back at me. Fuck. I read the article which was fine and thought, well this isn't too bad... And then I did what you are absolutely not supposed to do... I scrolled down. I scrolled so far down the page that I was able to fully take in every one of the 330 comments, all of which told me that I was fat, I was spoilt, I was stupid, I was untalented, I was THE WORST THING TO EVER HAPPEN TO EARTH.
When I looked at 10.30am there was not a single nice one, (since then my friend has set up an account and fought in my honour), there was not one person coming to my aid, there was not one person who thought that maybe I could do with a break today.
No it seems that what I could do with today is a whole load of this:
And that was just page one, I honestly didn't have it in me to keep going.
Because this is something that I just don't understand. What have I done wrong? Why do I deserve this? How is it that these perfect strangers are able to make all of these assumptions, based entirely on how I looked 5 years ago? What is going on in their lives that they feel the need to REALLY hurt me? Because that's what they're doing, and they must know that.
I love what I do so much, I LOVE this blog, I love that it inspires people and I am so beyond excited that I am working on a book at the moment. This was never something that I expected, this is something so unbelievably awesome that is just sort of happening right now, something that I'm going along with... Every day I need to shake myself because I can't believe that I got this lucky. But then a day like today comes around, and it all comes crumbling down.
And I just don't understand. Why would strangers want to make me feel like this?
This time last year the same thing happened, and I ended up making this video in a bid to encourage people to be kind, in a bid to show them that when they type something, that there will be someone on the other side of the screen, someone who's heart you are breaking.
I am so lucky that I have great friends around me who have cheered me up no end today, (big shout out to Ross who arrived with some roses for me!) and i am lucky that my skin is getting thicker. I am lucky that the pain I felt today only lasted for three hours as opposed to the normal three days that I was becoming used to.
But the fact that I'm having to thicken my skin at all isn't right. What is happening to humankind that we are doing this to one another? When did we all get so damn nasty?
I can only write so many of these articles, I can only ask so many times for people to stop doing this before I will just lose the will to live, but I need to try something now that I haven't tried before: I need to beg, because this needs to stop.
I am begging you all to be kind. To think before you write, and to do everything in your power to be a nice person. There is a small part of me that pities the people typing these messages, because I genuinely can't believe that they are happy in their lives. But the bigger part of me hates them, and that's not right either, because I hate the idea of hating anyone.
So why don't we all just take the time now, to step back, regroup and be nice? Because I can't take this anymore. And apart from anything, even if I had eaten all the pies, it wouldn't be anyone's business but mine... and the bakers.
I'll ask again: