I saw some pictures this morning of Princess Diana's niece, Lady Kitty Spencer on a beach in a 'skimpy red bikini' and my heart just sank for her, because let's face it, unless you are a Victoria Secret Angel, pap shots of anyone in a 'skimpy' anything mean that you're about to have every ounce of self confidence you've ever had, totally slashed.
I actually think she looks amazing and although I hate myself for saying it, she has a very 'normal' figure - not that there is such a thing of course. What I mean by that is that she has cellulite and boobs and a waist and an arse, she has something that I actually feel like I can relate to.
But despite the fact that, as we have established already, the national average for women in the UK is a size 16, the comments that she received about her weight (Daily Mail comment section) are predictably foul.
The word thrown around the most is the F word. Probably my least favourite word in the English Dictionary: FAT.
Fat is an entirely normal thing, fat is what our bodies are made up of, some of us have lots, some of us don't, it depends in part on your lifestyle and in part to genetics, either way it is a scientific term.
And I think thanks to Victoria Beckham, Cheryl Cole, the dramatic weight loss of all in Little Mix, Victoria Secret, Catwalk Models, etc. we have totally lost sight of what a FAT person actually looks like. We have got so ridiculously used to seeing tiny women on the television and in magazines that these images of Lady Kitty Spencer actually come as a shock to us, people find themselves looking at her and thinking 'ew she's enormous' without thinking to look down and allowing themselves to envy her figure.
And actually the most depressing thing I noticed about all of this was one comment saying something along the lines of:
"As a woman I would call her fat but I think most men would love her figure. Also if she were late thirties or older with that figure I would say she looked great but for someone so young she could tone up a little"
I assume this comment is making reference to the fact that she hasn't had children and that is why there is seemingly no excuse for a little cellulite.
And so with that in mind, perhaps I should suggest that all of us, who haven't had children get down to the gym IMMEDIATELY because there is no excuse for having any fat on you at all. No, not one. I don't CARE that you have a life. I don't care that you're BUSY. I don't care that you like chocolate. I don't care that you're happy. No, in fact I do, don't be happy, be TONED.
We have forgotten what real women look like, that is the problem.
Those of you, who, like me, live all year round waiting desperately for I'm A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here to start again, will have noticed the two new additions to the jungle this week. My favourite being Vicky Pattison who I think is absolute comedy gold. Without sounding to weirdly creepy about her - I think she's smart, gorgeous and quick witted which are the foundations to an awesome role model.
She, in true I'm A Celeb style, took to the shower this weekend (HOW DARE SHE?!) and of course, because we live in a horrible world, Vicky has received comment after comment remarking on how 'fat' she is, how she is 'chunky' and 'overweight'. (God bless the fact that there is no wifi in the jungle, I hope she never reads these comments and never changes!)
There was also an image released last week of photos of both new comers, Vicky and Fearne in the jungle, next to images of them in bikinis that had been airbrushed to shit. Both women were hardly recognisable and no doubt they are going to receive a whole tonne of abuse for 'manipulating' their figures and 'deceiving' us.
But, let's look at the facts here: when these girls stand in a bikini and they are NOT airbrushed, they're just called fat, end of.
No, it's not good that they are being airbrushed, I HATE that we are comparing ourselves to completely fake images, it makes no sense to me and it makes me very sad, but on the same hand, we cannot blame these girls, because it is the industry's decision not theirs.
And all that's happened now, is that they have been put into competition with themselves, they are being compared to their own 'perfect' bodies, built for them by the industry and quite frankly they will never ever ever be able to compete.
We have totally forgotten what a real woman looks like and it's not even really our fault. But what is our fault is the things that are coming out of our mouths, Daily Mail commenters, I'm looking at you.
IF you have ever written a nasty comment or even thought about it, I want you to put on a bikini, stand in front of the mirror and asses if you are really in a position to do that.
Not because of how you look, but because of how you feel. Do you feel self conscious? Do you feel wobbly? Do you want to hide your stomach? Join the club. These women KNOW the abuse that they will receive for wearing a bikini, because they know they are not 'perfect'.
So who do you think you are to drive that point home again and again and again?
They are not perfect, we are not perfect, I'm yet to find someone who is actually perfect. I reckon we are wasting our time, I don't think it exists and if it does, I don't want it to. Because in our quest to find the 'perfect' woman we are bypassing a whole load of great ones.
I am desperately hopeful that one day a woman like me or Kitty, or Vicky or Adele or you or anyone could be photographed in a bikini and not be told time and time again by strangers how fat we are.
This is never going to happen if we can't pull ourselves together. Wherever you are right now, put one hand on your stomach and squeeze. Celebrate it and remember it, THAT is what a woman looks like, THAT is how our bodies work.
And next time you go to comment, you would do well to remember that. Please, please, please, be kind.