As anyone who reads this blog will already know - I HATE FAD DIETS. I don't actually believe in 'diets' - I believe a 'diet' should be a lifestyle. And afterall, who wants to live a fad lifestyle? No one. And so, you can imagine my frustration when a friend of mine brought this latest craze to my attention: The Bootea Teatox.
The Bootea Teatox is (no prizes for working this one out) a green tea detox which aims to give women the boost they need to get back on track with their healthy eating. (Assuming you were ever on track in the first place?!) Really what it aims to do is remove all your bad toxins by flushing them through your body.
I'm pretty sure that is a fancy word for a laxitive. Which is a fancy word for the shits. So you're paying £35 for 28 days of diarrhea. So tell me, what could be worth this torture? Perhaps you start shitting gold? (By the sounds of things you'll be a millionaire by lunchtime).
Anyhoo, we live in a culture striving for thinness and so as you can imagine, these bad boys are making a killing. And this is really, really upsetting me.
These products are being endorsed left, right and centre, Katie Price, Billi Mucklow and Cara Kilbey (?! Yeh I don't know either), and granted David Cameron hasn't made it the law and the Queen hasn't made them imperitive in her anual speech, but when Katie Price says, 'shit yourself for 28 days, it'll make you thin like me', you'll be amazed by how many people jump on board.
So they're hugely popular. They have thousands upon thousands of followers on both instagram and twitter, but perhaps more frightening than that are the amount of people actually taking this detox... the amount of people feeling like they have to!
So at this point I ought to mention that I haven't tried it, I've never really tried to diet before and a detox sounds like my idea of hell. The minute I tell myself that i'm having a 'good' week, I find myself nibbling on a brownie before 11. So I'm not speaking from experience. But my research (google search) shows that there isn't actually a massive link between detox and weightloss, sure it's good for you and all that, but I just want you to know what you're getting yourself into.
A friend of mine (the same one who alerted me to this company's existance) tried to do the Teatox for 14 days and tells me that not only did she not lose any weight, but that she literally just had the worst shits at night. She also sent me an article showing a connection between this product and unwanted pregnancies, (I suppose the pill isn't very effective if it's spending less time in you than a formula one pitstop), which, on the plus side, will result in a detox of sorts for the next nine months, but equally you'll be up for 18 years of stress after that.
So the cons to the actual product are there. But this isn't even my problem. Do the detox, don't do the detox, I don't care. Just don't sing and dance about it all over social media. The women advertising these products are covered in make up, they all have very enviable figures and are often posing with the tea somewhere random like on the beach or in their Range Rover (never in their jammies with sudacream on their spots for some reason), suggesting that if you drink this tea, you'll be like them.
I'm going to let you into a secret here, you won't. The tea might work for you, it might not, but if you want to do it, as with anything in life, please do it for you! Don't do it because you feel like you need to be thinner, or because you feel like your skin is bad. Because we are being made to FEEL like all of this stuff is wrong with us, when in fact it isn't.
Katie Price looks the way she looks because of loads of reasons, she was born that way, she's had surgery, she's got a good hair dresser, she's got nice clothes, she works out lots, she probably diets, she's been taught to do her make up well, hell, maybe she even did a teatox, but what makes her into the person she is, is not simply one tiny tea shaped element.
So please, for the love of all that's good in this world, don't succumb to a fad lifestyle!