ALL THE THOUGHTS YOU'VE DEFINITELY HAD AFTER DECIDING TO WEAR DARK LISPTICK

Today I did something that I hardly ever do; I rocked a pretty dark lipstick. I didn't have anything particularly special to do, I just felt like being a glamourpuss, and if I'm honest with you, it's been a helluva day.

Before leaving the house

- Oh my GOD, I look amazing.
- No, like seriously. I look so good.
- I need to Instagram this shit immediately.
- Holy shit tits, I am going to get SO MUCH DONE TODAY. Total #girlboss moment.
- Coco Chanel was so write when she said 'If you are sad, then add more lipstick and attack.'
- This is a look that I am seriously digging. 
- Come on lips, let's go on an adventure. 

En route to wherever you are going

- So that big guest of wind was for sure meant for me. Thank you God, you get it: I look FIERCE.
- Yes, that's right little old lady, I DO look this badass on a Thursday morning.
- Shit, hang on, do you think I need to reapply it already?
- No, surely not. It's literally been 4 minutes.
- Oh, I better just check.
- FUCK. It's faded already?
- You know what? I might be able to pull this one off if I just don't smile or open my mouth for a bit.
- Should've reapplied, I reckon I look trashy AF right now. Everyone's staring at me aren't they?
- Right, I need to find a bush to hide behind as I reapply, cannot go in like this.
- God the iPhone camera is unforgiving.
- That'll do pig, that'll do.

At wherever you need to be

- Holla bitchessss, I'm here and I'm looking F.A.B.U.L.O.U.S. 
- Wait, I still look fabulous right?
- It's way too soon to do a crafty check. Just sit tight.
- Well realistically I'm going to have to have a look because I can NOT reapply this blind.
- I'll look like I've been sucking on coal.
- Ah, first compliment, that's what I'm talking about.
- Oh lol, look at the stain on my glass. Embarrassinggggggg.
- Fuck it, there is no way around this I am going to need to just squish this burger into my mouth, lipstick be damned. I'll deal with the consequences later.
- Oh my lord, the consequences are so bad.
- Now I'm effectively just wearing a dark lipliner. 
- Brilliant.
- Will I will be judged and ridiculed for getting my phone out for a forward-facing-camera-reapply?
- Well it's happening now isn't it?!?!
- Lol. I have so many nose hairs.
- There's the bugger. Looking fly again.

When you get home

- Well all in all that went rather well.
- I did get loads done in fairness.
- Probably more today on the days that I don't wear lipstick.
- The two things must be connected.
- I wonder if there have been studies done on this kind of thing?
- Ah finally, I can eat and drink like the animal that I am and need not worry about anything.
- Actually that's a point, how will I ever get this off?
- I don't think I'm ready yet. 
- Maybe I should bake something. Candice did win GBBO after all.
- No no Mr lipstick. I'm not done with you yet.
- Big day guys, big day.