FOR EVERYONE THAT DOESN'T WANT TO GO AS A ZOMBIE CHEERLEADER THIS HALLOWEEN

Halloween's a funny old thing isn't it? My mum absolutely HATES it ('it's an American tradition and just an excuse for supermarkets to rinse us out of more money' she starts saying at the end of August...) and as a result I've always felt funny about it. I could never trick or treat as a child as the nearest house that wasn't full of really old people to mine was not a safe walk away and so between mum's distaste for it and the practicality element, it sort of just passed me by. 

But now, invitations for Halloween parties flood in every year (OK, they're more like drops or maybe a tiny stream but whatever) and I'm jumping onto this spooky bandwagon. Which means, from about this point on, I am, like the rest of the country, frantically searching for a costume. And every year I am always annoyed about what a little selection there is on offer for women. Unless you want to go as either a zombie nurse, cheerleader, policewoman, or bride, you're sort of stuffed. Why not zombie doctors by the way? Or zombie lawyers? Ironically, on the zombie theme, I'm sad to announce that sexism is alive and well ladies and gents. 

But basically, the assumption is that all women want to look sexy af at Halloween, we don't 'do' funny and we certainly don't want to look anything other than available. Mean Girls summed this up for us if you'll remember...

But what if I don't want to be a mouse or a bunny or wear something see through or have my tits out? Er... well you either make it yourself or you don't do it. NB: IF YOU WANT TO WEAR ANY OF THESE THINGS, GO FOR IT. THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THAT. The only thing that annoys me so much isn't that these costumes are an option, it's that they are the ONLY option. So I have pulled together a list of items for if you a) hate dressing up or b) really don't want to have to go to a halloween party that your parents are attending with a ball of cotton wool stuck to your arse...

But let's face it, if you really want to go all out this Halloween you're probably going to have to do a bit of DYI as when I googled inspo just now this came up....

And quite frankly I'd rather choke on my hair than go to a party dressed as any of those things, mostly because they're all incredibly flammable and I smoke a lot when I'm drunk but also because I can't quite bring myself to give in to something that I have deemed to be sexist. I'm thinking I'm either grabbing that I'm With Creepy T-shirt to save myself the stress, going dressed as a vagina this year, just for fun. Or maybe doing what I did last year and go as Cruella DaVille and dress Boo up as a dalmatian again since we already have the costumes.

That was a good one, but, if you really want to get a few laughs and plan on eating all the food available to you next weekend, then might I suggest doing what my brother did last year and show up as a pumpkin - fool proof.

Happy Halloween! (Keep an eye on our Twitter and Instagram as if I get any more inspiration I will be sure to share!) xxx