Since being forced to change my diet dramatically in October 2014, I lost a whole tonne of weight and my entire figure changed dramatically. I didn't even know I had the weight to lose but after being diagnosed as gluten intolerant and allergic to cows milk, I was really forced to take my health into consideration and so I started exercising, eating right and before I knew it, the weight was just falling off me.
It happened slowly and all in the right way until eventually I settled and stayed at exactly the size my body was meant to be. I was still smoking, (not good), I was still eating what I wanted (very good), I was still drinking lots of wine (good at the time) and I was exercising regularly (weirdly very good) and that life just suited me.
In previous years I had obsessed about my body, I had tried and failed to diet, I had vowed to do 100 sit-ups every night for a month yet never got further than 12 into the first night. I was quietly miserable for ages.
But this year, maybe because of the blog, maybe because of my new lifestyle, I was genuinely cool with all of it. I was comfortable in all of my clothes and I wasn't subconsciously grabbing my stomach rolls under my clothes and fretting about my muffin top. It was a really great way to live.
As many of you will remember, during the summer I was training for a half marathon, which I was hating and loving all at the same time, but then at the end of September I managed to get shingles, I was totally fine and it wasn't the end of the world by anyone's standards but it did mean no half marathon and no exercise for me.
It also meant that I was kidnapped by my mum who wanted to look after me and that meant that I was a bit too tired to be doing anything massively productive with my time. So I did what any girl would do, I started baking and I got really really good at it. I was making sweet potato muffins (not as healthy as they sound when I'm in charge) and creating cookies by the thousand.
But then even after the shingles, and the tiredness that came with it, passed, I was too tired to go to the gym. And that my loves, is where the vicious circle starts. You're too tired to exercise, so you don't and then you don't sleep well because you haven't exercised so then you're tired again. Welcome to hell.
It didn't help that I also decided to embraced winter, AKA, jumper season. I am queen of the baggy clothes, and hid all of my growing wibbly wobbly bits from myself.
And then this weekend I was searching the shops and found a totally badass dress that I thought I'd try on with Christmas in mind. The fitting room was way too small and actually for the first time in a long time I was totally confronted with my, much bigger than I'd thought it was, body. And I lost the plot. I did something I have vowed never to do and I let myself get really really upset.
Luckily I have a no-nonsense boyfriend who very matter of factly told me that there was something I could do about it. (Full disclaimer, he was not being a dick, this is exactly what I want to hear, need to hear and if he had told me that I looked great I'd have told him to fuck off, after three years he's learnt to jump straight to the solution and I love him for that.)
Now I am not saying that I am fat. I am NOT fishing for compliments, although of course, all are always welcome, I am merely saying that I have got to a point where I am no longer happy with my body. And since I may get hit by a bus tomorrow that is not something I am happy about.
So watch this space because as of tonight I am jumping back onto the metaphorical horse. And I am bizarrely, extremely excited and this is why:
1) I've done it before and I can do it again.
Toning up and losing weight is utterly terrifying and very very daunting, but if you take it one day at a time, it's almost easy. I did it before and it was good, it was awesome to watch my body change and I just need to remind myself to stop looking at it as the terrifying thing it is made out to be and instead see it as a challenge that I have conquered before and I will conquer again.
2) I am not going to diet.
Getting healthy was always associated with 'dieting' for me and that is something I hate. Instead, I am going to look at it like this: if I eat carbs, I'll burn them off, if I eat protein, they will strengthen my muscles and if I drink wine, I will forget how much my legs hurt.
3) I am going to have FUN with this.
I am going to enlist some friends, I'm going to do some classes and I'm going to see this as a challenge. I am NOT trying to lose weight, or drop a dress size I am going to tone the shit out of my body and I cannot wait.
I've pulled Frankie into this and come 7 O Clock tonight, we are going to be muscle machines in the making.
I'll keep ya posted! xx