I'VE FOUND THE SECRET TO CLEAR SKIN... AND IT'S NOT WORTH IT.

BEFORE I START I JUST NEED TO SAY THIS: I AM NOT ON A DIET. THIS HAS NOT BEEN AN ATTEMPT TO LOSE WEIGHT AND IF YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO IT, I DON'T THINK IT'S A HEALTHY LIFESTYLE. THIS IS TEMPORARY FOR ME AND I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT.

So I haven't been very well recently, it's very boring and complicated and not something I want to get into massively but it's a stomach issue that's come about because of, as far as I can work out, a shit-tonne of bad bacteria in my gut, amongst other things. It's curable but it will not be an easy process, it's six months long (at least, wahhh), requires taking a lot of pills and most importantly, has an incredibly strict diet.

No caffeine, (I wrote a blog post about giving that up... HELL ON EARTH), no alcohol (bye bye social life), basically no fruit, select carbohydrates (in moderation), and most notably, no sugar. (Whilst writing this I have just received another email with more bad news, no more salad or brown rice... IS THERE NOTHING SACRED IN THIS LIFE?!)

Anyway, to be perfectly honest with you, this is a total fucking bitch. Despite being left with basically no food, and no proper understanding of what exactly is wrong with me or why I'm doing what I'm doing, I still feel pretty rubbish and usually cry about it at least once a day... which will make this probably the longest, wettest, six months of my life!

But in amongst all of this shit, of which there is a LOT, both literally and figuratively speaking (at this point I am not even sorry for the TMI), is the fact that when I looked in the mirror this morning, I realised that my skin looked really, really good. Then I thought about it and realised that I couldn't even remember the last time that I'd had to squeeze a spot or worry about covering one up, which, if I'm honest, was a pretty great feeling.

Over the years, I have, like most girls, tried EVERYTHING under the sun on my quest for a spot-free life. Sudacream, toothpaste, face-masks, cleansers, facials, steams, you name it, I have tried it, and unsurprisingly, nothing has really worked. And yet now, here I am, however many years later, without even trying to be (I literally haven't been arsed to take my makeup properly all week), spot free.

But before you all storm into your kitchens, bin bags at the ready, preparing to remove every sin-full, sweet treat from your cupboards, I need to tell you this: YES. Being spot and blackhead free IS a great feeling, but let me tell you some of the things that are better:

- Eating cake
- Eating chocolate
- Eating sweeties
- Eating cookies
- Eating crisps
- Eating sushi (yup, chock-a-block with sugar)
- Drinking prosecco
- Drinking wine
- Drinking gin and tonic
- Drinking tea
- Drinking coffee

Much like that bare-faced lie that we were told about 'nothing tastes as good as skinny feels', I'm here to tell you that everything on this planet is better than depriving yourselves of everything good for a spot-free life.

Contrary to what the adverts would have you believe: that you can get clean and clear skin if you use Clean & Clear products etc. we have all known for a long time that the 'secret' to good skin, is a clean diet. We KNOW that greasy food isn't great, that chocolate and sweets will cause problems and that we need to be eating a shit tonne of fruit and vegetables if we want to avoid oily, spotty skin, and yet most of us can't help ourselves when it comes to a share bar of Dairy Milk chocolate. I've known it for a long long time, and yet still, every time, I chose chocolate.

It has been interesting for me to see the proof of this though, using myself as the Guiana Pig, to confirm that this wasn't just something that our mums told us so that we'd go easy on the edible Christmas decorations. But it needs to be said, that I truly don't believe that giving up all of this would be worth it for clear skin.

I have been told that in order to get better, then I NEED to do this, but it needs to be said that when my six months are up (counting down the minutes), I will be doing two things just as soon as I can:

1) Baking myself the biggest batch of cookies EVER and eating all of them with a sweet sweet cup of coffee in my hand.

2) Seriously reassessing how much money I am willing to spend on skincare products which, I have new evidence to suggest, don't care two flying fucks for my skin, and actually just want my money.

If you are really worried about your skin and it does get you down, I suppose there is no harm in looking at your diet, but I suppose the point of this article is really to say this: I am looking at my good skin as a silver lining in a very very dark sky at the moment, but if you are reading this and it's blue skies up above your lives with just one little bugger of a cloud in the distance that is your spots, then don't whatever you do fuck up the weather where you are just because you're trying to banish that. It's not worth it. I'd pick a bit of sugar over a spot-free life any day.