HOW TO MAKE LIFE BETTER WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE A SACK OF DICKS

In the self-care era, if there is one thing that we are encouraged to do more than anything else, it’s to do everything in our power to stop ourselves feeling like a sack of dicks.

The self-care-ites don’t use that exact terminology I don’t think, but ya gethe gist.

I’ve written about my distain for “self-care” before; how I don’t love it that people feel the need to make excuses for looking after themselves under the pretence of a “self-care”.

You want to have a bath? Have a bath. You don’t need to give it a hashtag.

So you’ve seen a million of these lists before.

And whilst they’re all great, they’re not always entirely practical.

I’m all for a spa day, a long weekend in St. Tropez and bathing in llama milk for 52 hours, but lets’ be real; they’re not always entirely conducive.

If you’re feeling like a sack of dicks, there’s every chance that St. Tropez is off the table (the place, the self-tan’s a bit more doable).

In reality, your actual table is full of not enough money, a bad night’s sleep, dry skin, friends that have been a bit shit, a hair growing out of your chin that you don’t love and no idea what you want out of your life.

So. let’s be practical. Let’s think small and work our way up.

Here’s a little list of things to do that’ll make you feel a little bit better when you feel like a sack of dicks.

(You may have come across a lot of these before, that’s probably because they work… it might be worth giving it a go).

Wear dungarees

Absolutely no explanation needed. DUNGAREES. *(These are from Levis)*

Walk

URGH, yes, you’ve heard it before but PLEASE don’t underestimate this one. It’s cold right now. the air is fresh; put on Natasha Bedingfield’s Pocket Full Of Sunshine and strut the shit out of your stroll.

Buy yourself a new jumper

I don’t know what it is about knitwear but honestly and truthfully the power of purchasing a comforting wool number is magical. I’ve got one sitting in my Topshop basket just waiting for a sack of dicks day.

Watch things being crushed

This is possibly the most therapeutically fascinatingly captivating account on Instagram, if nothing else it will distract every sack-of-dicks feeling straight out of ya.

Instagram stalk a friend

I Instagram stalked my sister yesterday and it brought my more joy than it probably should have done. Sometimes Instagram can be a bit overwhelming, I understand that, BUT, when you focus on one person’s highlight reel it can fill you with a heap of joy!

Find a fancy recipe

Nothing makes me feel better or more grownup than planning all these fancy recipes I will make for dinner as if I am an actual, well put together adult woman.

Flat out ask a friend to make you feel better

If your friends are anything like my friends they will do one two things. They will a) send you an entirely offensive and inappropriate meme or they will b) they’ll take a minute to tell you how you’re a beautiful fucking queen and that the world is your oyster.

Moisturise

If you’re at work, it can be a hand job (lol, sorry, couldn’t resist). If you’re at home, get your clothes off and butter yourself up like a slug. You’ll feel like a damn queen I can guarantee it.

Listen to the Harry Potter theme song

The most perfect punch in the face from nostalgia. A great way to spend your time. Potter-Heads, it’s foolproof.

Duck out for a five minute Headspace moment

Mediation is not for everyone, I know that. It isn’t always for me but sometimes five minutes spent escaping it all is the absolute tits. Worth a try.

Watch David Tenant winning the NTA Special Recognition Award

Truthfully and honestly it’s the purest thing on the whole of planet earth and never fails to make me feel all of the happy feelings. ALL OF THEM.

Book yourself into an exercise class

I find this really helps me feel like a well put together grownup, making healthy and wholesome plans as if I were the star of some very easy to watch chickflick. (PS. Go to KOBOX. I wrote about it last week).

Buy something delicious

It still boggles my mind that I am a real life grownup with my own money and the ability to buy whatever I want whenever I want. BUY A BROWNIE. THERE IS LITERALLY NOTHING STOPPING YOU.

Remember the following quotes

  • Be happy about what you have. Be excited by what you want.
  • What a wonderful life I’ve had! I only wish I’d realised it sooner.
  • Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.
  • It does not matter how slowly you go as long as you do not stop
  • Believe in yourself. You are braver than you think, more talented than you know, and capable of more than you imagine.
  • If you set goals and go after them with all the determination you can muster, your gifts will take you places that will amaze you. 
  • Your mind is a powerful thing. When you fill it with positive thoughts, your life will start to change.
  • If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. 
  • Success means doing the best we can with what we have. Success is the doing, not the getting; in the trying, not the triumph. Success is a personal standard, reaching for the highest that is in us, becoming all that we can be.
  • No matter how hard times may get, always hold your head up and be strong; show them you’re not as weak as they think you are. 

Visit a bookshop

Find me a person who can be sad in a book shop. Mission impossible my pals. Book shops are the place of happiness. Just ask Julia Roberts in Notting Hill. Or any character in any indie film ever. Book shops are paradise and books are the best (I’m currently reading A Little Life and whilst it is heart-achingly harrowing, I’m loving reading it).

Follow the right people on social media.

And by the right people, I pretty much just mean @bowelbabe. Living with stage 4 cancer and honestly inspiring me every day.

Smile

SMILING MAKES YOU HAPPIER AND SCIENCE DICTATES YOU’RE 99% LESS LIKELY TO FEEL LIKE A BAG OF DICKS IF YOU SMILE…. probably.

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