FINALLY! A CAR JUST FOR LADIES! I’M SO EXCITED I’VE DROPPED MY TAMPONS!

Guys. BIG NEWS JUST IN. All of your prayers have been answered, yes it’s true, it’s finally happening: THEY’VE INVENTED A CAR JUST FOR LADIES!! Rejoice, rejoiceeeeeee. Oh what a day. SEAT, together with Cosmopolitan, have announced this week that they’ve been super busy over the last two years designing a lady car.

According to SEAT, this has been done because, in case you didn’t already know, a car is every woman’s KEY accessory. (10/10 for the pun. Shambles everywhere else). Uh huh. Thankfully, SEAT and Cosmo have worked out that the plight of women everywhere is that we are lacking freedom, and have oh so kindly bought us our VERY OWN tickets (and hopefully a man to look after them for us, am I right ladies?!) “to freedom in the city at work or play.” (Pfft. They think we’re working… fools).

They’ve been busy, they say, for the last year, designing a car that women “want to own”, since, as we ALL know, and they reminded us on their website: ‘girls just want to have fun.’

I don’t know about you guys, but here’s hoping for an extra big mirror in the sun visor to apply our lipstick in, a very delicate steering wheel for our precious lady hands and of course a big emergency packet of tissues stashed into the ceiling in case we stumble upon some baby ducklings on our route. OH NO WAIT. Hang on. That’s not my wish! Can I change it? Lol at me, silly indecisive woman! I hope it comes with a big strong capable man who I can store in the boot, alongside all my shopping bags, who can help me when I need to plot my route, work the air conditioning and of course help me manage that oh so troublesome parallel park!!

And by the sounds of it, I won’t be disappointed! Cosmo have said that their research found that most women, when describing what they use their cars for most, said “impromptu karaoke performances, last minute wardrobe changes, dramatic gossip sessions and emergency lunch hour kips.” (SERIOUSLY?! – You do have to wonder how this question was put to all of these silly women!)

With that in mind, Cosmo have told us in a not even slightly patronising way, that this car is ‘personal’ and ‘special’, funnily enough, not words that I’ve ever heard used to describe any of the hundreds and thousands of ‘man’ cars on the market. Smeh. Unlucky. Queue the ‘my car’s special and yours isn’ttttt’ chant. Paha. My brother is going to feel so dumb.

But girls, here’s the clincher, tell me: what lady colour would you like your car to come in? We’ve got purple, of course, but we also have candy white (which funnily enough is always the colour I imagined my unicorn to be!). NO PINK?! I hear you cry! No, I’m sorry girls, but hopefully the ‘pretty chic accessories’ will make up for it.

Well, I for one am BUZZING. I can’t believe I’ve been driving a man car around for all these years, ewwwww. I feel so STUPID! At least now I can rest my tiny little brain about it and stop worrying. I’ll give my boyfriend the key to my car when he gets home, who is, let’s face it, MUCH better equipped to understand all of those buttons, and has much stronger arms to steer it with! Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to go shopping to find the shoes and bag to match…

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14 Comments

  1. Ashley Osborne
    September 20, 2016 / 5:08 pm

    If not doesn’t come with a "lady emergency" kit in the glove compartment containing oil blotting papers, emergency pimple concealor, nail polish in all basic colors (for gasp chipped nails), Midol, tampons, and chocolate, they’re doing it wrong.

  2. jenner
    September 20, 2016 / 5:18 pm

    If that’s the car in the picture, I’ll pass. I refuse to drive a glorified golf cart on the open road; not the way people drive these days. Something this small can double as a coffin. Back to the drawing board!

  3. Lucy
    September 20, 2016 / 5:23 pm

    I hope it’s got a tampon dispenser and built in nail file. 😠

  4. CodyCartel
    September 20, 2016 / 5:44 pm

    This is the most sexist thing I have read all year… Cars for only women? sad…

  5. Rob
    September 20, 2016 / 5:57 pm

    Should come with park in and park out as a standard option..some silicon bumpers maybe..and automatic brake system,just in case of they are doing make up while driving and car at the front suddenly stop..

  6. Claire
    September 20, 2016 / 7:40 pm

    If Cosmo had anything to do with it, I’ll pass. They are so misinformed when it comes to reality its funny. Also, If you dont have any shade of pink metalflake or pink pearl color, none of my girls would like it.

  7. Yannick
    September 21, 2016 / 10:01 am

    Ya right women leaving the kitchen HAHAHAHA … funniest thing I’ve heard all year. #TakeEmontour – your blog really is one heck of a good read. loving this. keep it up.

  8. Carrie
    September 21, 2016 / 8:58 pm

    Ha!!! Great writing, Em. Have you seen the tk maxx ad that says that any woman going into space’s priority will be lipstick, "cos you never know who you might meet up there". I. Kid. You. Not.

  9. Betty
    September 23, 2016 / 7:00 am

    Sadly SEAT aren’t ahead of the game here, Citroen has made a few special lady cars already. Their latest is a joint effort with Givenchy and features a special make up kit in the armrest. Because when I’m buying a car my main concern is whether my mascara and lippy coordinate or clash with the new paintwork. What’s worse is, for Citroen at least, these ridiculous girl cars must be selling. I say that because two years ago they teamed up with Benefit to produce a few makeup themed cars, one of which was the same colour as Benetint cheek stain. I’ll leave the links below for those who fancy a large amount of eye rolling and tutting this morning. Quite frankly it all makes me rather sad.
    http://www.autoexpress.co.uk/ds/3/95484/ds-3-le-makeup-gets-givenchy-makeover
    http://www.citroen.co.uk/about-citroen/news/citroen-by-benefit-ds3-special-editions

  10. Big Jim
    September 25, 2016 / 12:24 am

    Women should only be allowed to drive mini’s, The amount of women drivers that drive these big SUV’s that cannot park them or struggle in tight spaces is ridiculous right now

    • Pretty Tarable
      September 25, 2016 / 9:36 pm

      Boy did you utterly miss the point of this article, lol.

  11. Sheikh Yahbouti
    September 27, 2016 / 1:06 pm

    What? Women driving? Allah in his wisdom would never allow such a thing! And even if he did, WE WON’T!

    • Admin
      October 2, 2016 / 2:22 am

      Eat shit goat fucker who kills people

  12. dat boi
    October 7, 2016 / 4:17 am

    I am muslim, women allow to do tf she want as long as it was not heavy sin, driving a car is not a sin.., but some country like saudi, they follow their rule

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