There is nothing more unnerving to me than someone staring at me. This is a nightmare living in London, where you can’t get away from the stare, everyone has eyes, they’ve gotta stare at something. But that doesn’t make it any easier when someone’s gaze lands on you. So here’s a list of things that go through my head, when you stare at me.
– Oh God, do I know you? Am I being really rude?
– Yes I do, that’s Alice’s mum, I should go and say hello.
– Abort, ABORT, not Alice’s mum.
– Well then why is she staring at me?
– Do I have something in my teeth??
– Has my makeup smudged?
– I bet my flies are undone.
– I should NOT have worn this top, I’m sure it’s see through. And WHY does it cling like that?
– Does my hair just HATE me? She’s looking at my stupid frizzy hair.
– I need to call the hairdressers and book an appointment.
– Shit maybe that was Alice’s mum, should I go and check?
– Why aren’t I wearing my glasses?
– Oh brilliant. What’s he looking at?
– I’m going to have to pretend I haven’t noticed him. Don’t make eye contact Em, just keep looking at the floor.
– Is he still looking? DON’T check yet.
– WHY DID YOU CHECK? Now it’s just awkward.
– Why is he staring? Is it because I look good, or has something gone wrong?
– God I KNEW I shouldn’t have worn this top today.
– Why do I feel so uncomfortable? it’s the middle of the day, he’s hardly going to follow me home.
– Actually, I’m allowed to feel uncomfortable. This is weird. What right does he have to stare at me?
– Should I just stare back? Make this awkward?
– No. Don’t engage.
– HOW is he still looking?
– Do you think he stares at all women like this? How does he get anything done?
– What would his mum say?
– Note to self: don’t walk home this way at night just in case he is still here.
– WHY HAS EVERYONE AT THE BUS STOP JUST LOOKED UP?
– My music is definitely coming through my headphones right? I’m not listening to Britney on speaker am I?
– No. It’s got to be this top then.
– I’ll go home and change.
– No then I’ll have to go back past that man.
– And I haven’t got the time.
– Why is she still staring at me? I’ll try smiling at her?
– Nope. That made it weird, back away.
– Look at the floor.
– WHY ARE THEY DOING THIS TO ME? WHY AREN’T THEY STARING AT EACH OTHER???
– Did the bus driver just look at my boobs.
– Fuck I hate when men do that.
– Well that’s just made me incredibly uncomfortable.
– Stop looking at me.
– I can’t wait to get home.
– I am literally never going to wear this top again.
– I am going to burn it.
– And my hair. I’ll burn that too.
– I hate my hair.
– Maybe I’ve got sweat patches, maybe that’s what they were looking at?
– Well what then?
– This is too much. I never want to leave the house again.
Now considering I can see the bus stop from my house, this is quite a lot to deal with on a daily basis. Please people, learn from this and don’t stare me. If you have to do it, SMILE. SAY SOMETHING. Save us all the internal monologues. Thank you.