I am the self-proclaimed queen of the carbohydrate. Pizza, pasta, bread, bagels, more pasta, garlic bread, another bagel, you name it, I love it. And so please understand the heartbreak that I encountered last Monday Morning when I received my blood results and was told I could no longer eat wheat or gluten. Nor could I have dairy (yes, cheese, milk, cream – my second favorite food category!) soya, coconut, peanuts, lamb, pork and basil to name but a few. (The list is massive, there’s 23 no go food types!)

At the start of the summer just gone I started to feel a little under the weather, my chest was tight, my nose was blocked, I was tired, bloated and all around grim. A friend of mine suggested that I ought to cut cows milk out of my diet, and although this very nearly killed me in the beginning stages, I got pretty good at finding alternatives (and watched my skin clear up no end!).

But that took a good few weeks of exploration, and although my chest was feeling clearer, the headaches were less frequent and there wasn’t a blocked nose in sight, I really wanted to get to the bottom of it, so sent off some of my blood to be tested against 96 food types.

So here we are, Monday morning (after a weekend in Italy where I through caution to the wind and ate the cheesiest, milkiest, creamiest foods around, well, when in Rome, right?) and I find out that all the foods I love and adore, and all the random foods I didn’t realize you could be allergic to, melon, for example, were the problem. I was furiousssss. I remember Holly once telling me that when she was told the same thing her first thought was ‘Oh My God, I can’t have a wedding cake!’ that went through my mind too, but I blurted out ‘But Christmas is coming!!!’ – both slightly ridiculous, but entirely justified responses.

However, there’s nothing I can do about this and so I’m just going to crack on. I thought I’d let you into my mind, for the early stages of completely changing my diet so, let’s see how I get on shall we?

Monday 20th October 2014

Lunch: Just been diagnosed. Not to worry, there’s gluten free pasta in the cupboard (from the last time Holls had dinner here) and some Tuna. Tuna Pasta Salad, amazing.

Dinner: Steak. That’s high in protein and actively encouraged, and home made chips, something I seriously recommend, so easy and delicious!

Tuesday 21st October 2014

Lunch: I had a lot of fruit for breakfast this morning. I panicked. Luckily, too busy for lunch as I was out of ideas, took another banana with me, and some gluten free oatcakes, not loving those much! (Nor was my tummy as it turned out, it wasn’t a great idea to eat a whole grapefruit, 2 boxes of grapes, 2 bananas, an apple and a box of raspberries)

Dinner: Gluten-free pasta came out again. Had to make my own tomato sauce, can’t have Basil or Oregon anymore, but if you do it with a little garlic, chopped tomatoes, tomato pure, some chicken pieces, some nice greens and a bit of buffalo mozzarella thrown in last minute, I swear to god you’ll think you’ve died and gone to heaven. So yummy!

hursday 23rd October 2014

Please see Monday’s menu, add in a couple of eggs, and substitute the homemade chips for those of a brasserie. Day 4 and I’m fresh out of ideas.

Friday 24th October 2014

Oh my god, thank God for Holly Wright! My little guardian angel arrived today with Nice-Cream, she’d made me Ice Cream! A really super healthy, nutty angel delight type thing, amazing!

Also, it turns out, olive oil on a jacket potato, although nothing like butter in anyway at all, is actually great. So Friday went quite well alround!

Saturday 25th October 2014

I cried in Sainsburys today. It was 5 O’Clock, I hadn’t eaten anything apart from my smoothie all day. So I threw a tantrum, but, as with all badly behaved children in the supermarket, all you need to do is plonk them in the crisp isle, and they’ll cheer up, as I did, when I discovered I can eat PommeBears!

I made steak for dinner again tonight. A combination of a lack of imagination and the logic that you cant really have too much of a good thing.

Sunday 26th October 2014

Right, no tears today. A monster smoothie, two boiled eggs and a roast dinner. This isn’t so bad after all.

So what have I learnt? It’s now November, and I’m into my 3rd week. Undeniably a tricky start, but my skin has cleared up, I’m no longer bloated, and check this – I’m no longer constantly hungry!

Three things you’re going to need if you want to go Fun-Free

– Patience 

– The Willing to Learn to Cook and FAST!

– Imagination

Although I would not recommend this to those that don’t absolutely need to, if you’re feeling that something that you’re eating isn’t sitting right in your tummy (even if you don’t want to accept it) why not try cutting it out? After 2 weeks if it isn’t working then go back on, but it’s worth a try.

The point is, I’ve survived and am probably the healthiest version of myself that I’ve ever been, I have had a ridiculous amount of energy, so much so that I don’t really know what to do with it, I’m looking pretty good (if its acceptable to say that without sounding like a dick?) and I definitely feel cleaner.

So although I’m not quite ready to give up my title as Queen of the Carbs just yet, I’m quite happy to wear the Jester’s Hat in the world of Fun-Free… for now.


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