THE ITSY BITSY TEENIE WEENIE POLKA DOT BIKINI CRISIS

Hello you lovely lot, I hope you have all had a truly wonderful summer and for those of you trying to push the summer vibes into September, sorry for bursting the bubble with the reality of autumn! 

So we've had a wonderful couple of months, I turned 21, Frankie turned 23, we did a trip away to the Isle of Man, I spent a couple of days in France with my family, Frankie went off to Cyprus, I got a PUPPY! And there has been more wine than we could shake a stick at. (Perhaps this explains why both the BF and I are ill today...?)

Every summer I feel that we learn a valuable life lesson, perhaps regarding the future of our educations/lives, perhaps that our pool-side romance was just that, or maybe that we really should wear higher factors of sunscreen, but this summer I have learnt something different, this summer I learnt that we desperately need to do something about the bikini crisis.

Yup, you heard me, we are having a bikini crisis. 

So as most of you will remember this crisis started with a bang in May with the arrival of those terrible 'Are You Beach Body Ready?' adverts that sprung up around the London Underground.

There was a fabulous response from girls of all shapes and sizes announcing that yes, we're all beach body ready, all the time. (Simply B even reponsed with this, which we loved:)

After all, our answer to the 'How Do I Get A Bikini Body' question is generally: 'get a bikini, and put it on your body'... But what was most shoking was the reaction of the company responsible for the adverts: 

Tossers. 

So the next thing I knew of the crisis was in August, I was off on holiday to the South of France and mysteriously had lost all of my bikinis (as it transpires my sister had them) and so in T5, very early on Thursday morning I began my bikini hunt. It was short lived, the only place that stocks bikinis in T5 is Harrods. (Bare this in mind last minuters!) Now unfortunately not only was I lacking the £££ for this particular shop I was also way too rich in the (.)(.) department. 

I would have been lucky if both cups had covered one nipple.

Not to worry, I'll find one in France I thought. Ahahaha. Or Not. I literally went into every £££££ shop in St. Tropez and could not find anything bigger than a C cup. In the markets I had even less luck. There was not even so much as a hint of underwiring or support of any kind. In one shop I actually thought I was in the kids department... I wasn't. 

This is why every holiday photo of me shows me in one of two bikinis okay? This isn't something I want to be judged on. 

But the final straw for me was a link that a friend sent over to me this morning from a shop called Kiini, check out their size guide:

Yes ladies, there you have it, a large is a Size 10-12. 

This is NOT okay. THIS IS NOT EVEN SLIGHTLY OKAY. We are NOT dealing with an obesity problem here, this is not something we can tackle simply by going on a diet (not that we should have to any way thanks very much Protein World), this is literally something that we are BORN with.

And so Kiini, whoever you are, WHAT ARE YOU PLAYING AT? Quite frankly you can piss off back to whereever you came from and you can take your dirty beauty ideals with you. 

Us curvy gals want bikinis too. We do not want to HAVE to go to specialist stores, we want to be able to buy nice bikinis for good prices in all shops. 

And so retailers, you have until next May to make this right. We'll be watching.

(Gals, for any of you with the bustier problem like me who are still looking out for bikinis, Figleaves is the place to shop, they stock a lot of lovely Freya stuff too and all my bikinis come from there!) xxx