WHY I F@!*ING HATE VICTORIA'S SECRET

So it's that time of year again when the world goes totally mad for the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show and the so-called Angels that walk the runway.

Every day for the last week, everywhere I have looked online I have come accross images of a collection of insanely, unbelieveably beautiful women who make up this year's Victoria's Secret Angels. They have talked in detail about the $2 million bra, their beauty tips and most notoriously, the honour that comes with being a Victoria's Secret Angel.

And this is undeniably a great honour. The eyes of the fashion world are, for one month, almost exclusively on them and we, the public, wait, with baited breath to see these women, hand picked and declared the most beauitful of all the models. 

They are literally given Godly status, despite the fact that the representation of Angels offered to us by the Bible is a far far cry from those around today. If Kendall Jenner is infact an Angel than I think we can expect something a little different from nativity plays this Christmas and I reckon even Jesus might have stuck around a little longer had he known what his representatives were going to become.

They are, according to Beauty Standards circa 2015, perfect. 

And so we women sit and we stare and we wish and we hope that we one day we too, will look like the perfect woman. It is widely thought (although I'm not sure why) that Victoria's Secret Angels are a healthy representation of women, they are real, they are something that could realistically aspire to. They're not Size Zero, no they're toned and on their Instagram accounts they share pictures of real food.

So I need to set something straight.

(Although before I do I ought to point out that I do not in anyway want to critisize the models themselves, they are truly incredible for their determination and they are beyond impressive but it need's to be understood that they are NOT normal.)

Theoretically, yes, if you did not work, if you were genetically blessed, if you had the will power, the determination and the strength then you could maybe, possibly be LIKE a Victoria's Secret Angel.

They've even given us a helping hand and shared with us their 'beauty secrets'...

Lily Aldridge, 29 told Cosmo that "[I'm] eating healthy. Lots of roast chicken and vegetables, eating clean. I mostly cook my own food so I know everything that's going into it. And I do a lot of Ballet Beautiful. i usually do two workouts a day leading up to the show.'

'I do an hour in the morning, and thirty minutes in the afternoon.'

'I love working out, and I love when I have the time and I can really focus on it. It feels good. You have a goal and you accomplish it."

Barbara Fialho said to FEMAIL "I always take care of myself during the year so it is sometimes a week before the show that maybe I tend to exercise a little bit more. I try to drink a lot of water so the skin is hydrated. I try to sleep a lot. You know, no alcohol."

Shanina Shaik says "the whole year I look after myself, but I make sure after every work out to clean my skin because is might get a little dirty with sweat."

Devon Windsor says: "I have always had the same skincare routine. I am very good at washing my face in the morning and at night; I use a lot of moisturiser too because I think that's super important. I sleep at least nine hours a night - honestly. And I drink a lot of water."

And Bridget Malcolm says of all the Angels: "I mean every single girl here works out like crazy, eats well [and] drinks a lot of water."

So yes, you could look like a Victoria's Secret Angel IF you were genuinely able to work out once or twice a day, find the time to sleep for nine hours a night, not drink alcohol and if you do break that rule and get a bit sloppy drunk you would catagorically need to remember to take off your make up before you went to sleep. One fuck up and you're out. Or so it feels.

This week I've failed every single day, having only been to the gym twice, forgotten to take my makeup off once, and slept less than 7 hours every night. This aspiring to be an Angel stuff is hard work.

In fact I've failed at this my entire life. But let's pretend just for a minute that I was working out twice a day, sleeping nine hours a night, and not drinking any alcohol... I'm only 5ft5. So I wouldn't be considered anyway. I also have an overbite and my hair isn't long enough and I have short legs and I am literally covered in moles.

And then a video came out, a behind the scenes snippet showing what it REALLY takes to become a Victoria' Secret Angel.

It showed the auditions for this year's show and I have to say, it really pissed me off seeing the pannel of producers watching these woman perading around in their underwear. Litearlly playing God, picking their Angels. And they were women, on the pannel, it was women deciding who was 'beautiful' enough. Women who have probably had terrible insecurities over the years, women who don't look like these Angels, and women with daughters.

I imagined myself walking down that Catwalk at the size I currently am, quite pale and a little wobbly, short and awkward and I laughed as I imagined their reactions and then I wanted to cry.


Because there isn't a hope in hell that a woman like me will ever make it near that catwalk. I am, like nearly every single other woman in this country, a million miles away from the perfect woman.

By comparison I am made to feel quite literally revolting. And you know what's even worse? The only time we will EVER see a woman who looks anything like me near that catwalk, it will be a token plus size model who is there to shut us up for a little bit, not for the right reasons. Not because they've decided to make a change and help our daughters as they fight their ways through the ridiculous expectations poured onto them.

So I don't know what Victoria's Secret Angels are supposed to do, I don't know if they are there to inspire or to empower but they are currently not only failing at that, they are infact doing something much worse.

I DO congratulate these woman. I AM impressed by them but I cannot be inspired because it is too daunting. Apart from the fact I simply don't have the time to live like that, I did not win the genetic lottery like they did, infact, next to these women I think I lost my ticket.

So instead of wasting your time aspiring to something impossible, I would encourage women to be a different kind of Angel, be like the ones that we read about, be kind, be great and inspire in your own way. And to Victoria's Secret I would beg them to look really hard at what they are doing by shoving these completely unrealistic beauty standards down our throats.